Just how bad is the club business these days? Let us count the ways.

• Club owners don't like to say the word club anymore.
• Bottle service is now taboo. Table service is in.
• Club owners are turning old clubs into restaurant spaces named after old men.
• Revenues at Marquee, the best run nightclub in NYC, are down 22% in 2009.
• Revenues at Room Service, a non-descript club, are down 40%. They peaked in November 2007! 
• The hottest bar in New York is SuperDive, home to live blogs and keg service.

This isn't an article from the Onion. It's from the Paper of Record, and shows just how desperate club owners are to find a winning formula after the bottom dropped out from their tried and true business model. We say small and exclusive always works, and maybe offer some killer deals to random customers to keep them coming back when the fun times return. Most importantly, it behooves you to Be Different! The lesson of SuperDive is that its better to be original and fail miserably than to copy a successful model and be middle of the road.

Is the recently landmarked Webster Hall in trouble of closing? According to a Little Birdy, the club is in serious arrears to the City, State and vendors, and may be on the verge of declaring bankruptcy. Our LB tells us:

The club owes a ton of rent to the actual landlords of the building, in excess of $400,000 and have had partial rent checks bounce. They owe the city/state over $100,000 in back taxes. They owe the city money for their water bill. They owe tons of creditors money as well for alcohol, promotions, etc. They are looking for some kind of bail out from the state (for the taxes issues) and the landlord (apparently they would like their rent lowered by half until things "get better"). It seems that mismanagement over the years has left WH in shambles and in the 20 years they have been opened the owners have not save a penny for rainy days like this.

Everyone wants a bailout, except your good friend DBTH. All told, Webster Hall is $600,000 in the red. We guess that the Studio space hasn't brought the additional revenue that the club was hoping for. Is the designer, our good friend Mr. Lewis, cursed? Either way, the club will need some kind of financial savior to help keep them hosting music for another 100 years. Let's hope they find one.

Hello sunshine and hello June. It's time to start the week with a Monday Morning Quick Hits! QUICK MOFO HITS! Boooom.

1. The oh so adorable The Smile is poised to expand its current breakfast and lunch offerings to dinner service, and the early word is delicious, with @WilliamTigertt reporting "The Thai beef salad and blueberry panna cotta were winners." Oh my!

2. Prince Harry was on his best behavior during his recent NYC adventure, but did he manage to sneak in a bit of time to enjoy some of Manhattan's late night offerings? According to one Little Birdy, the answer is yes, telling DBTH that "Prince Harry and entourage were at the Box on Friday night." That makes perfect sense! We can so picture the Prince convincing his advance team that the Box was legitimate dinner theater!