When Philly Wants NYC, It Wants 1OAK
A Little Birdy asked us to check out a recently launched blog that details the true story of Arthur Kade, a former model turned financial planner from Philly who 9 years later gives it all up to become a male model and actor again. Circles. In one recent narrative, our hero decides to head up to NYC after a stressful business meeting to unwind. What better place to do that than 1OAK, the coolest spot on earth, saying:
we headed to my favorite lounge in NYC named 1Oak. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of partying there, imagine an ultra-exclusive lounge in Chelsea, with a celebrity doorman named Binh (always has a scowl, and doesn’t care if you are a celeb or athlete, you can easily wait outside for 20+ minutes if he feels like it), and every hot celebrity, model and athlete gracing 5 feet past you trying to get the best table for bottle service. It’s an experience all to itself. I love going there because I can listen to the hottest hip-hop music and meet beautiful women while simultaneously networking and creating material for the blog. Luckily, Binh now recognizes me, and when we went to the front of the line outside.
How does it all turn out? Well, Mr. Wanna Be gets dissed by a model, blows a chance to network with a self made millionaire, eats at "Pastis in the meat packing district for brunch" and then heads back to the 6th borough. Failure personified. Meanwhile, the site gets entirely ridiculed, with comments such as "You are such an amazingly large douche. Please keep writing; you can’t script this douchiness. Keep up the good work D-BAG. I hope I see you in 1Oak — I would punch you in the crotch you loser." You can't make this stuff up.
It leaves little doubt why so many places struggle to succeed in that neighborhood. 1OAK is successful as the main destination several nights a week, and its rejects feed into some of the surrounding spaces. But it's not sustainable.
DBTH
Reader Comments (26)
Why try to attract what is all but destined to be negative attention? I've never understood it.
How do you find this stuff?! You guys should do a "Biggest Douche of the Week" series and find more of these. Kinda like Curbed's "That's Rather Hideous" series.
after reading that essay of a comment someone posted on his blog, i wouldnt be surprised if arthur was sitting a red bathrub right now.
bro that dude is ugly
I live in philly. This guy's blog is maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen. I need to take some time to read it, but if all of his posts are like this one, it's gold.
I am going to find him out on his travels and take a pic while someone punches him in the nuts.
i am not sure this is a good look for 1oak, that a model from philadelphia gets into 1oak, and then a nerdy software guy buys him and his friends drinks at the bar, ummmm, good look, i think not, very david jaffee to me...
"i am not sure this is a good look for 1oak, that a model from philadelphia gets into 1oak, and then a nerdy software guy buys him and his friends drinks at the bar, ummmm, good look, i think not, very david jaffee to me..."
I agree.
I'm really really good looking!
vomit :)
Can we start the "That's very, or far too, David Jaffee for me" phenomenon right now? To stand for anything that seems overly douche or B&T. I kind of like it. This man's blog itself is FAT too David Jaffee for my taste, even if it does provide a laugh, or nine.
does his nose get in too?
im too sexy for my car...
this is utter destruction...
"You know I wasnt going to chime in as this guy is clearly digging his own hole but to better articulate what BIG FISH in a BIG POND said - Mr. Arthur Kade - you ARE a wet flapping douche bag.
Are you serious with this? How much more less profound, more self-centered and utterly useless of a human being can you be? What compels you to believe that you have any capacity to provide anything useful to anyone by ranting in non-coherence and poorly written sentences about your meager life? You need to stop pounding energy drinks, chest bumping your boys, referring to yourself in the 3rd person (you really did that!) and making ridiculously effeminate facial expressions in airbrushed photos of yourself. Glamour shots anyone? Did you not see Zoolander? You know that wasnt a documentary right? It was a comedy. Much like this blog, the notion that this was an important next step in your life, and more specifically, your existence.
You’re aspiring to be a male model? Really?! Dream big buddy. Keep hope alive. You will be your generation’s greatest contributor. C’mon man - grow the fuck up. Let me fill you in on a little something. I’ll make a bet with you. Ask any one of your straight guy friends to look at the pictures at the top of this site. You know the one where you could totally be getting blown by a dude under the table, the one where you’re glancing over your shoulder after doing 150 curls with 70 lb dumbbells, and the one where you’re popping your collar (popping your collar in a picture - and being serious??? god you’re a fucking loser) - and ask them: Do you think I’m a joke? Do those pictures make you want to laugh at me? Ask them to be totally honest. It’s important. I guarantee you, Mr. Arthur Kade (aka. Dr. Douchebag), not one of them isnt laughing to themselves. They may not say it to your face - but there is not a single doubt that you’re actually the butt of everyone’s jokes. You look like a complete asshole. I’m giving you advice that nobody else will - you are completely playing yourself!
You think abbreviating places you go to makes it sound like you belong there? Bags, Gans, Oak. Hey asshole, “Bags” and “Oak”, as you so eloquently put them - are old news. You’re bridge and tunnel. We call you a tourist - a wanna be - a doesnt matter. You drive up the NJT to come to this city b/c you can go back to Philadelphia with a sense of accomplishment. I partied with the cool guys! I was in the same room as people who have actually done something with their lives! The mousse you use in your hair should be pissed that it has no option but to be associated with you. How old are you anyway? You are still name dropping clubs, restaurants, and promoters??
How is it not clear to you that you sound like a complete ass? Dont you remember “Look at my striped shirt”?? It was FUCKING JOKE Arthur Kade. It wasnt meant to be serious. It was making fun of people like you who didnt say these things out loud but definitely thought them. It was a narrative from within the representative douche bag’s head for all of us to laugh at what these guys probably thought. And guess what? You actually went and wrote out those things down - elaborated on them further than the original author ever intended - and were SERIOUS!!! You unprecedentedly ignorant asshole! Man oh man - does it get any better than that??
In case you dont realize how much of an asshole you are, I will copy and paste the “Look At My Striped Shirt” narrative here for you. FYI, this was so popular it became a blog (as a joke, you fucking retard), then a book (again, a joke, you asshole). Compare what you wrote - to what I’ve copied below - and tell me you are not the captain of all fucking losers, that your few blog entries are entirely encapsulated in this joke from 2003. Then do us all a favor: recognize your douchebaggery, own up to it, and come to terms with the fact that you will never really actually amount to anything. Your purpose here was to entertain us all and remind us how much cooler we all are than you. You know the rest of us who dont give a flying fuck about how easily you think you can get into a club, date a “supermodel” (ya, ok), “chill” at places”, assign code names to people as if you’re in some secret club (secret club of curly haired fags), “mac” on “bitches”, and all the other superficial, non-contributory, bullshit activities you engage in that you think matter to the rest of the world.
And just so you know, Arthur Kade, I have done all you have done and more, accomplished more than you ever will, traveled further and longer than you will ever afford, have access to any club or restaurant I please, been with much finer women than you can ever claim, am probably a few years younger than you, and have a self-made fortune you couldnt even dream of. I have everything on you - yet never once felt compelled to distribute this information to anyone - because its meaningless (yes, absolutely, unequivocally meaningless) - unless I was trying to showoff in front of an audience whose mental midgetry was so severe that they’d actually think it made me cool. Since you’re the first person I’ve come across that fits that description - there you have it. In your own distorted view of what’s important and what has any value in this world - I am WAY cooler than you.
Now for you to learn a little about yourself, here it is, your moment of zen….
Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some pussy tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say “Junior Vice President” on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!
My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too!
I figure we’ll kick off the night with some Golden Tee! I am going to smack the shit out of that little white ball! It’s going to be so fucking loud! I’ll bet I can drive that pretend golf ball 600 fucking yards tonight! I’m that fucking pumped!
I can almost taste those Jager Bombs right now! I fucking love Red Bull! I put it on my God damned cereal! I’m crushing one right now!
I’m thinking about buying a boat this year!
I’m gonna fight someone tonight! I pray to God someone makes eye contact with me! I will beat his ass! And God help him if he gets any blood on my striped shirt! If he does, I’ll scrub it out with his dick and some bleach! I mean it!
I’m gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle, I will select the most attractive one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will rub my cock against her so that she can feel my throbbing hard on!
I will valet tonight!
I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I will tell him to “Take it easy on the brakes, Champ”!
I will talk to people I don’t know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I will call female bartenders “Babe” and male bartenders “Chief”!
When I do not hook up with a girl at that club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks”! We will wait in a long line to go to another bar only to strike out again!
I will give up and decide to order a gyro off of a street vendor! I will make fun of him to my friends for being foreign! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses that I struck out and am settling for a gyro!
I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two big girls who are also ordering gyros to coming back to my place for “after hours”! When they say no I will make fun of them for being fat! I will leave!
When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!
I will then go to my room and pass out! I will need some shut eye so that I’ll be ready to fucking party again tomorrow!
-A Voice of Reason"
Voice of reason - Mr. Kade and you are just different sides of the same coin.
anyone else see the dj and promoter get in a fight over not playing house on house night at 1oak thursday? That doesn't happen at the Jaffe's parties.
Golden. I'm gonna spend all weekend reading this guys blog. Wow. This is a treasure. Thanks.
Aahahahahahaa.
I kinda feel bad for the guy. He's obviously lost, super immature, and seeking some sort of mystical reassurance from others (via his need for attention). Then again, there are a million other men JUST LIKE him in NYC! The only difference is they choose not to expose themselves to the entire world like he has...
Agreed, two different sides of the same coin. As nutty as Mr. Kade is, a response as lengthy as "Voice of Reason"... You're stooping to the same level, no matter how many big words you throw in there...
Here's the best part of his blog...from the "weekend in nyc for the start of fashion week part 2" post:
"One of the other bouncers told me about a party at the Bowery Hotel, for L’oberon (A Parisian club, but they opened a pop-up version for the week), but he said unless your Brad Pitt you don’t get in."
L'oberon??? Seriously??? This dude is awesome.
Looks like no more fun with the comments on his site... Someone should forward a link to Binn!
honestly though..a choice excerpt.
After watching 5 years of existence towed away, I proceeded to head to my dermatologist to get medicine for my pimples. It’s amazing that at my age, I still have minor acne (nothing very noticeable, but an occasional cyst like growth), and although I have always been lucky that it hasn’t affected my modeling work, it definitely makes me feel self-conscious and insecure when I am out. I feel like any time I meet a beautiful woman, the first thing she notices is a pimple that I may have on my chin or forehead, and once the new cycle of Accutane is done, I will hopefully never have to deal with this again. Three weeks ago, I was doing background acting work on Gossip Girl, and had the opportunity to stand within 2 feet of Chace Crawford, who is the star of the show, and the new “it” boy of television, and what struck me as remarkable was the perfect skin he had. He was a good looking and charismatic guy, but his skin was flawless, and all I kept wondering was what it was like to never wake up with a pimple.
really?
you people are all superficial insecure losers. especially Down By The Hipster for even making fun of this guy from the get go. who cares. some people can get into clubs and some can't. big fucking deal. if you're lucky enough to get into some exclusive places why do you feel the need to make fun of others who can't?
I WANT TO MARRY THE PERSON WHO WROTE THE LENGTHY 'WOW' RESPONSE. SORRY AK BUT HE'S DEAD-ON.
Listen, This guy is the man in my opinion. 'll tell you why: It doesnt matter whether he is lost, or has a plan, or is gay, or like animals or girls, or gets into or doesnt get into clubs, its awsome because this is just another sign that the apocalypse is here and he is letting us know. He gives it his all and thats all we need to be doing now in the end of times. give it your all people.
that website is so sad. the people mentioned on there are a bunch of coke head losers who think they are scenesters. it is beyond embarrassing for the city of philadlephia.
Honestly if you take your time to write an essay that long in response you're kind of a d-bag yourself. Also, why does everyone reference David Jaffee. He shouldn't even be spoken of. I don't understand it... You guys give him too much credit.